Philly Snow

By Charlie

     Well, it be snowing here in Philly town, and most of what that means is the never-ending news reports of snow related problems. Yeah, those who are stuck in traffic or at bus stops waiting for a bus that is never going to arrive, accidents, school closings and dumb man on the street interviews; " It REAL cold out here. I mean, I don't remember it being this cold since the last time it was cold, but it might have been just a little bit colder! And " Why do it have to snow this much? Don't THEY know there is no where to put it when you shovel it? "

" I hope McDonald's be open!"

    Yes, we live in an intelligent environment here, and I must say, I am proud to be a part of the existing mentality. Oh look, the junkie down the street has his penis out, and he is urinating on his snow shovel! A Norman Rockwell moment! Maybe there is something to that? Junkies are far more intelligent that the average person. They really are because they have a heightened awareness. It's such a shame they waste their lives in the pursuit of the ultimate 'high'. Tonight, somewhere in the city someone will shoot their next door neighbor for parking in his 'just be shoveled' parking space.

    Some asshole will burn his or her house down and kill his or her family with some creatively stupid home heating technique or someone will be found dead of a heart attack after taking to shoveling his whole street. The weather outside is 'frightening'!

    Hey, where's the bulldozers and the plows? Where's the tons of salt? We must get to the supermarkets to get potato chips and chicken wings? Are 'they' delivering pizza?

    Uh-oh, we are up to about a foot of snow and they are saying we are going to get a Nor�Easter storm! We are DOOMED! Help!  Our new mayor got on TV and told everyone "no problem" just stay home, the snow has got to melt sometime"! He's a clever man and I wish I could take his advice, but guess what? I'm the snow emergency guy and I have to go into work regardless.

    Have a nice day and pray for me to make it into work so I can actually be the snow emergency guy. I wonder where the snow emergency guy is supposed to park? (Answer: In the snow of course!)

Philly Snow

By Charlie